basically the synopsis is analyzing Fox's baseless, effortless, careless answers to questions made by the press, in patronizing fashion. Many people in the Carolinahuddle board have said the answers are just mindless fodder for the press and his effortless answers and the Panthers' seemingly effortless lousy performances sometimes are only a coincidence.
What the press lacks is an interpreter. Someone who knows how to decipher this crap that comes out of his mouth that makes no sense sometimes you either think he is a moron or he's just telling you to go fuck yourself without being so curt. So I went into the archives at Panthers.com and dug up this article after the Panthers awful loss against Arizona, a team that they had beaten 5 consecutive times, including once in the 2008 regular season, and in a stadium they had previously been undefeated in that year.
On his message to the players at the final team meeting: We had a great season and a bad game. Unfortunately, it occurred when it did. But walk out of here with your head up high. All in all it was a heck of a season with a lot of good things. It's a good core of players to move forward with.
(Translated): Who gives a fuck if we lost we went 12-4 and as long as I reached that 3-1 goal I like to make every year, I'm happy as a fat fucking guy in White Castle. We lost but 12-4 is 12-4.
On how he would characterize this year's team: A very high-character team. I think probably as fun a year as I've ever had in coaching. It was a good combination of guys, coaches. It was a heck of a bunch to coach.
(Translated): We all got along like pigs and a fucking mud pit. Oh man all the fun times we've had. We played hopscotch on our days off, went to Applebees for lunch when the restaurant wasn't that busy and asked for a table of 60, and watched spongebob cartoons.
On if he had a chance to talk to quarterback Jake Delhomme about his game: Yeah. He had a bad game. He didn't have a bad season. He's not a bad quarterback. He had a bad game. It happens.
(Translated): Listen, Jake is my QB. He could've thrown 8 interceptions in 8 consecutive pass attempts and I'd still send his ass out there to the huddle because he's my guy, and benching him for someone else would not make him my guy anymore. It would make me a cheater, an unfaithful cheater I tell ya. I like to apply the sanctity of marriage in my relationship with my QB. You don't cheat on your wife and you don't cheat on your QB. Jake and I hold a sacred bond that I'd rather him throw his way to 0-16 than get a competent signal caller, because having Jake Delhomme as a QB is more important than winning.
On if he expects Delhomme to be a scapegoat for the loss: I suspect like any loss we all become scapegoats. But that's part of it, and we just move forward.
The fans want people fired to bring improvement. We don't do that here. We like to bang our heads against the wall repeatedly with undying persistence using the same strategy it doesn't matter if it's clearly not working and I'm starting to get a concussion and a subdural hematoma. Listen the fans are stupid. They're always wrong, ...because they're fans. It doesn't even matter if they're right, they're still wrong just because they're fans.
On if there was anything that happened that led to Delhomme's five interceptions: Having not seen the tape yet, I can't really speak to that. Probably the sack-fumble was a bigger play than the interceptions, because I think that gave them life. We started great. Even with a kickoff out of bounds early, we knocked them back out of field-goal range. I think the sack-fumble was a huge play early that resulted in a score and gave them the lead, 14-7, and then it snowballed from there.
Well they got out to an early start and I just didn't know what the fuck I was doing then. They got a lead and I immediately abandoned the run for no reason, ...even though it worked the entire year and got us to the point we were. I lost control of the team, Jake, and my bowels because I came up with a shoddy gameplan.
On playing more zone coverage pass defense in the first half than in the second half: I think they had a heck of player (Larry Fitzgerald) that caught six balls - two of them he wasn't even covered on. They threw it to him 20-some times. I don't think that's why we lost the game. We were fortunate they didn't score more than 33. That was 10 more than they scored the last time, and we turned it over once at the five (yard line) and that gave them a score. There would be a lot of reasons. But we look at the tape and we understand what happened. You just don't give the ball back to the third-ranked offense in the National Football League six times.
Well I was surprised he didn't get 300 yards in this game. Two grabs he got he didn't have anybody covering him. I wouldn't know why that happened because I was too busy unwrapping another pack of Winterfresh and scratching my balls on the sideline because I got eczema down there over the week.
On if he considered dedicating one player to shadow Cardinals wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald: By design, we always had a defensive player on him, sometimes two. But we haven't done that (shadow a player) all season and we didn't do that in the first game.
We like to play weak ass zone defense because giving up 6 plays to a touchdown is better than giving up one big play to a touchdown. Despite the fact that I was facing arguably the best wide receiver in the NFL, I decided to go with the same shitty defense that gave up 30 points in, like, 6 of the last 8 games in the regular season.
On if he believes defensive end Julius Peppers, who will be an unrestricted free agent, wants to stay with the Panthers: Julius, who I have the utmost respect for, he's a private person. He's a different person than other people. It's a process, and he's fairly private with the process. I'll leave it at that. I've got no complaints with Julius. I've got no questions of his commitment. It's the business part of it and it's a process. I think he did a great job of focusing on football this year and not letting anybody from the outside make it a distraction, and I have a lot of respect for that.
Peppers is a fucking mute who never talks in the locker room unless it's his imaginary friend he's exchanging words with. He's ass backwards socially, so you can't expect him to elaborate on his feelings about staying in Carolina when he doesn't even know how to talk to people or what a conversation is. Last week I asked him, "Hey Julius, you know what a swim technique is?" and he just started drooling and stuck a hot wheels car up his nose.
On if he knows in his mind whether Peppers would prefer to remain with Carolina:
I've had conversations with him; I tend to keep those private. Like I said before, I've got the utmost respect for Julius. I think those things are between me and Julius.
Julius and I are close. I've had plenty of conversations with him, including his status long term with the team, but I can't elaborate on that. I've also discussed with him what his favorite TV show is and how many call girls he orders every night, although, there is a language barrier because like I said before he doesn't know how to talk, so we usually use a chalkboard.
On how he would gauge the priority of keeping Peppers: I'd say it's important. I think most people would see that as being important, just like keeping Jordan (Gross) here, and I think keeping all of our core players here. I can't predict future.
(...??????)
On if he anticipates any changes to his coaching staff: I don't predict any, but it's still early in that process - I think too early to predict or decide on.
I know that guy Trgovac will certainly be back if it's my call to keep him. He was looking like a lobotomy outpatient on the sidelines in that game like he had no fucking idea he was even in the stadium, but I just told him after the game, "hey, it doesn't matter if you suck at coordinating. If you can chew gum, you have a place in my coaching staff."
(eds note: that was before Trgo decided to leave on his own accord)
On the emotions of the last 24 hours: Thankfully, I've done it a lot. I think you've got to get to that high before you can get the disappointment. As I mentioned last night, there's only one happy team. There are going to be two sad teams today. The reality is there are no ties. Somebody has to lose. So at the end of it all, the only truly happy person is the guy with that Lombardi Trophy. That's the race we all get in, we all fight for, and, unfortunately, there's only one that gets it.
I just mope around my house, chewing my gum and taking prescription anti-depressants to complement my already dead-pan emotionless personality just to make damn sure the loss doesn't fizzle in my head and force me to make a decision that is necessary for the good of the team. Hey, I'm just glad I made the playoffs. No team makes a goal to make the superbowl every year. That's just crazy talk.
On if any players will need offseason surgery: Not too many things that I want to discuss publicly right now. But again, I haven't met with our medical people extensively. But those are things that we'll weed out as we move forward.
Well in a few weeks you'll probably hear that Damione Lewis has shoulder surgery but I'm gonna wait and let you get surprised and pissed off.
On how hard it is to say good-bye to the players knowing that there will be changes: It's like that every year from '03, '05, '93, '89. There are a lot fun players to be with and a lot of good teams that don't stay the same. There are not too many teams in this league - even the Super Bowl champ doesn't stay the same. It's just the landscape of what we do and the National Football League at present time. I think that's one of the neat things about it. That team picture - you look back 15 years from now and it brings back a lot of memories.
(Okay, I don't understand where the fuck he comes from here because the Panthers didn't even have a team in '93 and '89, unless he's talking about where he was an assistant but you work with like 5 fucking players as an assistant. I guess he was just getting a sense of corny baseless nostagia here)
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