Mark Jones: KR to play with Tennessee in 2009

Sit back and let me regale you with a tale that will entertain yet confuse you.

You see, once upon a time there was this team called the Panthers. And the Panthers had one of the NFL's shittiest return games of all time in professional football. So when their stalwart returner who didn't do much at all named Ryne Robinson got hurt and had to go on IR, the Panthers sought out to find a guy that could take his place. They found Mark Jones.

Mark Jones was never a good wide receiver, but he had something figured out as far as returning kicks and punts. He had vision, he had smarts. He knew where to run the best route downfield as he avoided the other special teams unit and consistently gave the Panthers good field position. He would get caught downfield, but often you'd see this happen during a game.

Jones offered a shit ton of help as far as field position went, and was partially responsible for the Panthers' offense scoring 400+ points for the first time since, well, EVER. (ok actually in 1999 we scored 400+ points with Beuerlein's productive season, but it was such a long fucking time ago I don't remember it that well)

So naturally when free agency hits and it's time to re-sign this guy Fox just lets him go and is content with the same mediocre motherfucker we had before Jones came in and took ST play to a whole 'nother level.

Godspeed, Mark. I hope you return one for a touchdown every fucking week next year so people can see how big of a fucking moron John Fox is sometimes.

Peppers to New England?

A trade rumor was thrown in the air to be swept away by the wind earlier this week regarding Julius Peppers going to New England for a 2nd round pick, 34th overall. And just like every other rumor created in the offseason, it got blown way the fuck out of proportion and was the talk of the town for quite some time. Then the truth came out: Peppers can't be traded by Carolina because he hasn't signed the franchise tender.

Then Belichick comes out and says this crap about it taking Peppers' signature and time to hash out the terms of the trade.

Belichick did say, “There’s a lot of moving parts in a situation like this. There’s a lot of things that have to be worked out and, in all honesty, when you’re talking about that level of player, that level of contract, those different levels of commitment, it’s usually not the kind of thing that happens in 10 or 15 minutes.

And just what would you need to hash out with Hurney? What are you trying to get him for something lower than the 34th overall you fucking shyster? How about this, Billy. You were dreaming if you would think that Carolina would give him away for a shitty little Kansas City second rounder that was the compensation. Nah, if anything, Hurney's got some shit to work out himself about the trade. Your first round pick looks nice. So does the play of Ellis Hobbs. If you were to somehow combine those two and offer them to Hurney, he may consider it seriously. Oh, and of course, that has to be AFTER Peppers signs the tender.

Sunday Night Filler (3/15)

Starting a new weekly summary of my feelings about the team and anything else.

-Torry Holt is not a receiving option for the Panthers. I know he has the hometown thing down with the panther fanbase, but we'd probably have the oldest wide receiver core with his signing. Plus, good luck having Delhomme even look for him to get open in a 3wr set with Moose and Smith running routes.

-Jay Cutler met up with Josh Daniels to discuss their differences face to face, and according to sources, it seems like they're no better off now than they were beforehand. He seems really pissed. Good, keep being pissed and while you're at it, personally call John Fox and tell him you'll play for free in Carolina.

-Upon further thought, Ken Lucas STILL isn't 9 million dollars good, no matter how much of a woody he gives Tom Sorensen.

-Free agents I would consider if I was GM of the Panthers and I had more than just spare fucking change under the salary cap:

Cato June
DeWayne Robertson
Khalif Barnes (for line depth)
Kalimba Edwards DE

-Apparently, OT prospect Andre Smith completely shit the bed on his pro day, causing scouts everywhere to comment that he lost an assload of money that day. He apparently did only 19 reps of 225 and ran the 40 in about 5.30 seconds. Oh that isn't the worst part. He apparently ran it shirtless, with his flappy, flabby man tits giggling around. Yuk.

-The Raiders humorously expressed their disdain for Lane Kiffin in a letter to Kiffin's boss in Tennessee. Some crap about undermining Al Davis while he was in Oakland. I didn't realize anybody who was a part of that organization could fucking read, much less write a letter. Oakland is fucking pathetic.

Some miscellaneous stuff...

-Spring break has finally arrived, I think I'm going to get fucking drunk all week.

-Brittanya from Rock of Love Bus is really fucking hot. It's a shame she got eliminated tonight.

-Demetri Martin's show on Comedy Central is fucking hilarious. Go watch it Wednesdays at 10:30 pm.

Tom Sorensen sucks at life, journalism.

I just couldn't let this piece of garbage get away.

Tom Sorensen manages to reach new lows of pathetic journalism by basically grieving about the departure of Ken Lucas from the Panthers squad and makes a veiled suggestion that the fans started it all and it's their fault he's gone.

It's funny how it works. A cornerback gets burned a few times and fans decide independently and simultaneously that he is a liability and he must go. Carolina cornerback Ken Lucas went Wednesday. The Panthers cut him.

Ok, had all us fans signed off on Lucas' release in the front office, yea, I would probably buy your crappy vengeful ramblings. But the truth is that no fan ever has control or influence on an organization. If teams listened to fans Matt Millen would've been fired a long time ago, Marvin Lewis would be a defensive assistant and Cam Cameron would've been hung by his balls by an angry mob after he drafted Ted Ginn over the QB Wunderkind, Brady Quinn.

They did not cut him because he can't play. They cut him to clear $2.375 million under the salary cap.

Yes, you should realize more than most people, as a beat writer for an NFL team that 24,000 dollars in salary cap space isn't going to afford us even 1 fucking draft pick! What did you think we were going to pay them in soybeans you fucking idiot?

At 30, Lucas is still a good football player. Early in the season, he and Chris Gamble were playing as well as any Carolina cornerback combination ever had. Lucas did slump late. So did the pass rush. Quarterbacks suddenly had time to throw, and they often threw Lucas' way.

LOVE this one. At 30 years old, we are paying a CB with question marks a 9 million dollar figure? Nuh-uh. Oh, also keep in mind, when CBs hit their thirties, they sort of regress and start blowing coverage more and more. Maybe he WAS good, but was he 9 million fucking dollars good?

I'm biased. Lucas is a great guy, smart and unpretentious. He's a different guy, too. He doesn't let you know he's a football player. He isn't one of those guys who introduces himself by saying, "Yes, I do play in the NFL, thanks for asking" even when you didn't ask.

And here it comes, the inevitable "BUT HE'S A GOOD GUY" card. This is the same card that is often used to exempt Jake Delhomme of any responsibility whatsoever after he fucks up a game we would've otherwise had a shot to win. Tom, here's a piece of news for you. Good guys get released all the fucking time, what do you think Lucas is a special case? It's OKAY, HE'LL BE FINE and he'll find work elsewhere, so dry your tears and wipe the runaway snot from your nose.

Lucas loves attention but doesn't want attention. He drove a Rolls Royce Bentley and wondered why Charlotte's pedestrians and drivers would stare in the windows to see who was inside. Tired of the scrutiny, he dumped the Rolls and began driving more pedestrian vehicles -- a Maserati and an orange Range Rover. Hey, he practically disappeared.

Yea this part is just boring and unnecessary. Who gives a fuck if the guy changes vehicles every once in a while?

Now he will disappear, and I hate to see him go. He was popular with his teammates, he desperately wanted to win and he handled the Steve Smith debacle in camp last season with as much grace and class as humanly possible.

Ok, I'll admit, Lucas was fun to watch in the 2005 playoffs when he directed a fellow defensive back over to the jumbotron and started dancing when the replay came on after an interception. But he was the only guy in the locker room stupid enough to buck up to Steve. Mind you, this was a guy who already broke Anthony Bright's nose after being heckled in the film room, so can we really say this all happened without warning? Nuh-uh. That's like approaching a ruthless Camorrista in Naples and telling him to go fuck himself in Italian. What do you think he's going to do to you?

A) Kill you
B) Take you to the warehouse and drive nails into your balls
C) Rip your eye out with a corkscrew.
D) All of the above

Preliminary musing on draft needs.

I'll take the time one weekend to write up a mock draft but, in the meantime, i got to thinking what do the Panthers exactly need?

The Panthers are walking in the draft with several glaring needs and what do we have to take care of them?

59th overall
93rd overall
4th rounder
5th rounder
6th rounder

Its kinda like being deployed into modern war grounds equipped with a screwdriver, a pocket knife, and a roman candle.

First off lets not think that all of our picks are going to become these superstars in their rookie season. There is a pathetic 14 starts between the last 10 picks of the 2nd round last year. No nobody's going to be an immediate improvement. Compound this problem with the fact that the Panthers have no money to sign free agents and a rock solid schedule with concrete balls, and the 2009 season is looking more and more like we are up shit's creek without a paddle. Carolina must nit and pick on every little detail to get the most value out of what little they have. However, they haven't been known to be the Macgyvers of the NFL draft, and I'm not so confident they start today.

Our needs? (in no particular order)

QB: ALL 3 of our QBs are scheduled for free agency after this year. You know honestly, I'd rather us just let Delhomme go with no contract extensions or re-signings. This team needs to seriously stop looking in the rearview mirror and focus on what's in front of them, and what little time they have until Jake gets even older and starts making what happened in Arizona look like a good game. Its a shame this coaching staff can't evaluate a QB for shit or wouldn't know a franchise signal caller if it was sitting right under their fucking noses but I digress.

Defensive line, defensive line, defensive line: Put Peppers in the equation, you're not even much better off. The pass rush was just not there last season, not consistently. QBs had too much time to throw on this defense and stopping the run was like the eternal struggle for this front four. It's hard for our superstar MLB to be a superstar when Rich Seubert is in his face every fucking play because Gary Gibson simply forgot what a defensive tackle's job is. I'd say DT seriously beats out DE as far as needing help is concerned but DE doesn't look very bright either.

Offensive line depth: Frank Omiyale, Geoff Hangartner. Two of our best line depth players gone to start on other teams. Jeremy Bridges was not very special himself but after him there's just nothing in the talent pool as far as backups go. And when the inevitable Panthers offensive lineman injury sprouts up like it does, many, many, many times in a season we'll feel the pain of weak pass blocking and interior penetration stopping our run game behind the LOS.

that's the biggest 3 needs as I see fit. WR could use a talent influx with Moose's age but I don't think it's worth to fix without getting our future right at QB because Jake doesn't throw to anybody else besides Moose and Smith. Secondary might need help but Meeks' strength is developing a ballhawk back 4 and part of the struggles back there were due to the front four not getting pressure for shit so...

Ken Lucas released (finally some news)

Lucas is gone

The panthers tried to offload him and his outrageous fucking price tag to another team, and got some offers, but it didn't work. This was only after a trade to Detroit was pretty much all but final and Lucas put the kabosh on it. So the panthers just basically told Lucas to take his selective persnickety ass and go play hide and go fuck himself.

Brief history lesson: Lucas was signed in the 2005 offseason to play in the secondary because all we really had there was Gamble and when they changed the contact rules Ricky Manning had to learn how to play cornerback all over again (he eventually never did) so Lucas was brought in.

In 2005 he played like a madman. 6 ints, he tackled like a linebacker, and only the dumbest QBs (like Brooks Bollinger) dared to throw his way. In 2006 he struggled with injuries, and the next year, he kinda fell off the map completely. Most NFL fans in general know Lucas only as "THaT gUy thAT STeVE SMitH punCHeD DurRRr" by now, that's how obsolete he's become. The Panthers made it clear they are not spending anymore money on somebody who's on the decline.

Peppers creating more problems

Julius Peppers apparently refuses to sign the franchise tender.

What the fuck are you trying to prove?

The sooner you sign the goddamn thing, the sooner you can get traded so we can get our compensation and you can get a lucrative deal.

This has turned into an all out chess match between Hurney and Peppers now. The game of hardball is being strategically used for both sides so that a stalemate is currently in place. In the end the two may destroy each others' benefit because the Panthers can't do anything with the 16 mil as long as it's tied into Peppers without signing it and in the meantime Peppers is destroying his own reputation as a team player with his childish games.